Concentrate on the picture at the top of my blog. Put yourself in this happy place, feel the tranquility of no cars, no electricity, sounds of lapping water on the beach and the buzz of hummingbirds nearby. Cut to the reality of same place but brother and sister fighting for the umpteenth time over God knows what and Mom (yes, me) completely losing it.
I have been with my children for forty six days straight and though we know the love is still there and strong we’re just not feeling it very much these days. I did not book any summer day camps this year, Dad has been working really long hours and bar a few play dates it has been the three of us 24/7.
I couldn’t stomach a weekend at our beautiful retreat coupled with constant bickering over trivial things so I proposed a challenge to my two charming children. If they could get through three days without fighting I would pay them $10 each. I know it was a bribe, I was desperate and I am not proud of it. We are not big believers of cash rewards as incentives and still struggle with the whole allowance scenario.
Our daughter just had a birthday and has quite the stash of cash. Her comment “Brody, it’s only 10 bucks!” She has also admitted in passing that her favourite thing in the whole world is to fight with her brother. My son on the other hand was an easier sell. He is broke and really wanted to purchase a new video game. They negotiated, agreed and then we all pinkie swore that the challenge was on.
The kids swam together, played together and supported one another. At one point a disagreement started but they shut it down quickly! Bribery tactics or not, three days later we were a happy, intact and calm family. The cash was gladly paid out and a video game and Webkins has been purchased with the “winnings”.
This little challenge wasn’t my best parenting move and will probably haunt me down the road. For the most part though, a week later, they are still getting along and right or wrong this has been the best $20 I have EVER spent.
4 Comments
August 11, 2007 at 11:16 am
Nothing wrong with some incentive. It is the same as saying “If you are good while I shop, you can get a candy bar” which I know was used by parents, and I have used from time to time as well. It gives the kids something to look forward to and you get peace! Don’t feel bad, we all do it from time to time.
August 12, 2007 at 8:01 am
Did it work? Yes? Well then, nothing to feel bad about. And as a bonus, they’re still getting along and they’ve already been paid. Really, I don’t see anything wrong with how you handled it. There are far worse things you could have done to stop the bickering, and the one thing you did do had lasting results.
August 12, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Hey whatever it takes. No one has the rule book and we all gotta make how we can. Funny how a peaceful place becomes chaos. As a parent if we are out alone on a “date” even other kids don’t bother us cause we don’t have to deal with it….we just smile:)
August 16, 2007 at 8:40 pm
[...] Why I’m Blogging! Payment for Peace [...]